I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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