god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
