Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
