i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
