He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
