Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
