i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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