How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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