i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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