Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
