the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
