he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
