he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
