do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
