in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so let's talk penis.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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