Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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