Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
