I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
