does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
