So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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