I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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