I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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