I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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