You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
