As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
