is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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