It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
