I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
