Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
