I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
