please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
