Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
