you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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