That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
