I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
