Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
