I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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