i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
