Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
