3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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