I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
