There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
