i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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