If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
