btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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