so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pants are for mortals
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
