M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
