You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
