Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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