The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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