You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
