; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
