Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
