I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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