HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
