respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
