I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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